We have received several inquiries, mostly from college students, seeking help in organizing a local Gay Not Queer chapter. At the time of this post we do not have a formal organization. That said, anyone who wishes to start a local group can use the Gay Not Queer name. Consider this website your mothership.
Remember that your ability to make a difference requires that you act with a high degree of integrity and ethics. Respect for the individual is paramount. There are queer identified individuals who recognize that gay is not by definition queer. We must welcome them with open arms. They can model respect for gays like us who do not identify as queer like them.
But remain steadfast that we Main Street Gay and Lesbians are just same sex attracted. Absolutely nothing more. Ideally, we should still welcome a trans person who is attracted to the same gender they identify with. They are in essence gay even if only on a social level. They may be heterosexual in terms of bodily sexual desire, identifying as the object of their desire when they are not biologically the same. But biology is not the only way to define gender. Gender can also be defined socially.
Therein lies all the confusion regarding trans people. Gender has two definitions: biological and social. Biological gender is determined by DNA and chromosomes. It is an objective fact, observed and recorded at or before birth. It is not “assigned” at birth like the extremists insist it is. Social gender, on the other hand, can be assigned at any time because it is entirely a cultural construction. Behavior, aptitude, dress, etc. are socially defined. Because the human mind can only operate with one definition of something there are often different minds with different definitions. When people don’t share the same definition of gender they speak past each other. To someone who defines gender entirely with biology then only women can give birth. To someone who defines gender entirely with the social construct, a man can give birth so long as that individual identifies as such (the existence of a uterus matters not). Call the latter delusional if you want but the understanding that gender is socially constructed is not without merit and deserves respect.
Likewise, all gender identifies deserve respect. But for purposes of inclusion with our Gay Not Queer movement there must be an identity as either male or female. Fluid, non binary, etc. will not suffice. There must also be an attraction to that same male or female identity that one holds. Therein lies what it means to be gay and lesbian. Nothing more. Simply being trans or queer, or the myriad of other identities, is not enough. Some will scream discrimination. But we are a Gay and Lesbian organization. Without exclusively same sex attracted members we cease to be a uniquely gay organization and other alphabet groups will take over. Our right of association requires this distinction. We are a G and L organization. And ONLY a G and L organization. Period! It is the takeover by queer extremists that make this hardline necessary.
Still, we welcome all same sex attracted people regardless of biology. Therefore we don’t discriminate against trans people per se. Most trans people however will claim we do. Under their dress, most trans women are male homosexuals. We will have to explain that a woman attracted to men is not gay. They have chosen to transition away the gay by becoming a gender different than the one they are attracted to. If they wish to be gay and join our group then they must either identify as a man (the object of their affection) or they must cultivate an attraction to women (the object of their identity). If unable to do either then find another group.
Likewise, under their pants, most trans men are lesbians. They have also chosen to transition away the gay. We will have to explain that a man attracted to women is not a lesbian. If they wish to be lesbian and join our group then they must either identify as a woman (the object of their affection) or cultivate an attraction to men (the object of their identity). If unable to do either then find another group.
We do not deny anyone their chosen gender identity. We refute their claim that they are gay when they are attracted to a gender different than the one they identify with. We take this position to protect the purpose of our association without intentionally discriminating against transexuals. In fact, the rare transexual who is biologically heterosexual must be welcome. They embody same sex attraction, even if in a social sense only.
Alas, in the real world making all these distinctions and walking the ethical but firm walk outlined above is extremely difficult. The weight of biology cannot easily be ignored. Chromosomes and DNA matter. To say otherwise is to reject rational scientific thought. One can attempt to be enlightened anyway, partaking in the heady virtue so enjoyed by experts attempting to “educate” the unenlightened that a man can give birth. Such transcendence over biology is the ultimate social justice ego trip (why else would someone make such an argument?) But in the end, for most of us, the only Gay that belongs in our organization is a biological male that identifies as male and is attracted to men. Likewise the only Lesbian that belongs in our organization is a biological female that identifies as female and is attracted to women. Maybe defining gender primarily by biology deserves respect also. Accepting the way things are biologically is not without merit. One may want to be tall when one is short. One may want to be black when one is white. And one may want to be biologically male when one is biologically female. To the extent you want to be something you are not, go for it. You are free to do so. Just don’t expect everyone else to go along.
But for our purposes that would be a mistake. We would lose our high moral ground if we welcomed only cisgendered attracted to their same cisgendered. We keep the high moral high ground by welcoming anyone who is same sex attracted in both social identity and social object of attraction. It may be uncomfortable for us to be around a straight man in a dress who identifies as a woman, or a straight woman who identifies as a man and therefore as butch as butch can be. But our intellectual integrity requires it. Besides, our discomfort just reveals how much we’ve bought into outdated modes of gender roles.
And therein lies our opportunity to share a simple but profound truth that resolves everything. That simple but profound truth is that what it means to be male or female has been socially defined way too narrowly. Yes, humans needs definitions, meanings, norms, etc. But our culturally defined roles do enormous damage. Many biological males have traits culturally assigned to females. That does not make them any less male. Nor does it make the culture any less valuable. Many biological females have traits culturally assigned to males. That does not make them any less female. Nor does it make the culture any less valuable. We can value cultural norms while still acknowledging that narrowly defined gender norms can be harmful. May the day come when a young man realizes that just because he holds attributes that culture ascribes to females, and starts to realize he may be homosexual, does not mean he is trapped in the wrong body. Likewise, may the day come when a young woman realizes that just because she holds attributes that culture ascribes to males, and starts to realize she may be lesbian, does not mean she is trapped in the wrong body. Attraction to men is not exclusively for women and attraction to women is not exclusively for men. But because heterosexual norms of attraction are so dominant in our culture we inevitably define gender by each gender’s object of attraction. When society rejects that metric, along with all the lesser but still useless metrics of what being male or female means, and allow the full expression of all human attributes, then all these problems fade away.
Until then we are forced to operate under the prevailing framework of gender, reinforced both by traditional culture and via extremist queer ideology that claims gender is entirely a social construct that should not define anyone-while at the same time celebrating those that use gender to define themselves exclusively and in the most unusual ways possible. Yes, queer ideology is a morass of intellectual gymnastics and contradictions. But hey, more permutations and convolutions makes for more intellectual discourse-the currency of academia.
So yes, think about organizing a local chapter at your school. But do so with kindness and understanding. Human beings require a belief system, culturally reinforced, with its attendant value system. Expect many to be offended given that feeling offended is a badge of virtue in the current ethos. The high priests of all the Studies departments will naturally see Gay Not Queer as a threat. Their authoritarian mindset will try to silence you. But their methods often backfire. Don’t react. Let them dig themselves into a hole. Proceed slowly and carefully. Seek guidance from tenured faculty sympathetic to the cause. And know that change is never easy or quick.
All this alphabet madness started in academia so perhaps it should end there. To those wanting to organize a local Gay Not Queer chapter at your school, you have our blessings. It is needed and is the right thing to do. Good luck and Godspeed.